I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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