I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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