ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
