All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
