We're like a lot better than the average bears
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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