Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
