Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
