I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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