her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
