Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
ttyl tear gas
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
