Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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