I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
