I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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