Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
