I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
