I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
