We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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