my phone needs a breathalizer
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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