lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
