evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
