the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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