True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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