none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
