I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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