some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
