he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
