Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
