you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Never underestimate the power of titties
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
