I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
