I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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