just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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