Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
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My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
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I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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