The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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