I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wear drunk well.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
