My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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