is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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