He disabled his match.com account in front of me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
