I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
