some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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