Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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