our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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