as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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