I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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