Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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