you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
