I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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