about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
