Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
