tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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