Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
