She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
