i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
