Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
