the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
