So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
