bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
