If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
