nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.