I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i love accidental penises.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.