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I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
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