She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho