I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high