i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard