god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.