I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
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A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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