You're so nebulous sometimes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
