don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
