Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
