i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
